Lessons from Stay at Home Dads
The Church of the Wayfarer
Dr. Norm Mowery, Pastor
February 13, 2011
I Corinthians 3:1-9
The hardest stage for me in my parenting experience was when Nathan and Lori were pre-school age. With two working spouses in our family Linda and I ‘juggled the balls’ of parenting quite well until one of the children got sick.
During those years Linda had her hands full working all day and then she came home to the children and worked another full day because most evenings I had meetings. I had so many meetings that our daughter, Lori, once said, “My daddy is a gonner.”
As a pastor I was able to do some child care on the job and more than once took one of the children to a funeral or a wedding and handed them off to someone to watch while I gave the sermon.
Interesting changes are taking place in parenting roles today. New faces are popping up on neighborhood park benches. And quite often, those faces might need a shave.
I think that stay-at-home dads are here to stay. Gone are the days when a child’s birth automatically resulted in mothers quitting their jobs while fathers stoically headed back to the work routine.
Although stay-at-home dads are still the minority, parents increasingly view being one as a popular option. Many men are embracing the idea and diving into the world of diapers,
play dates
and car pools
with the enthusiasm of an explorer venturing into uncharted territory.
An annual ‘at-home dad’ convention even guides fathers as they juggle the challenges of hands-on child care. In person and online, fathers are sharing the joys and frustrations of being responsible for a young, often needy, life. Not surprisingly, they’re discovering what mothers have known for years: It isn’t easy.
As I read and re-read the scripture for this morning I kept thinking of my son, Nathan, who is a stay at home dad. In my mind I compared him with the Apostle Paul who helped young churches come of age. In our Epistle reading Paul is giving advice and direction to these young churches.
It is fun for me to watch Nathan with my granddaughters, Emma who is four and Kira who is two. Nathan is much better at being contented with spending a day at home with his children than I was with mine.
It is satisfying for me to hear him
bantering with them,
talking with them constantly,
joking around,
and playing video games.
Trust me. I never played video games with Nathan and Lori!
I also deeply admire my daughter-in-law, K.C. who is a professional manager with financial goals to meet and people to hire and fire. She faces pressures all day long and then comes home to Nathan and the girls.
I asked Nathan recently, “So Nathan, do you greet K.C. at the door with flowers when she arrives home after a hard day’s work?”
Nathan’s answer was, “No, because K.C. says that she would rather have a clean house than flowers.” I decided to end my questioning with that!
For the Apostle Paul it’s time to write a letter to his children in Corinth. Here’s Paul, the “women-should-be-quiet-in-church” guy, who suddenly finds himself in a nurturing role, responsible for the care and feeding of newly formed churches and baby Christians.
Remember that this is being written about twenty-five years after the death of Jesus. Paul is addressing the Christian lifestyle in a pagan society. Corinth contained a number of Pagan Temples and was a big secular city.
Much to Paul’s dismay, this church’s growth doesn’t always proceed according to a neat, orderly plan. Paul’s frustration can be heard when he makes reference to their need for baby food — spiritual milk instead of solid food. Modern stay at home dads use online chat groups, while 1950s-era mothers had neighborhood coffee klatches.
But, Paul scribbles on paper his frustration about the lack of progress in his charges:
“I can’t believe it!
You still want milk!
I’m ready to offer so much more.”
Paul’s aggravation is clear in this passage:
“When are you going to grow up?
When is this going to get easier?
When will I be able to trust you on your own?” To which women across the globe would say, “Welcome to my world!”
Experienced parents everywhere respond to Paul: “Are you only now realizing this?” He is discovering what mothers have known for centuries: Sometimes children need some extra time and help to grow up. Parents know that watching over another human being is a frustrating business that requires vast patience.
Recently Linda and I had Emma and Kira for three nights. They were very good. Even so, we were tired for the next week.
Paul has entered into the realm of caregiving and, like mothers and stay at home dads everywhere, has discovered that tending to a person’s needs and encouraging physical, emotional and spiritual growth is a challenging undertaking. Paul, of course, wants only the best for his charges:
• He envisions the day when his young churches will gain some maturity and grow in independence. • He dreams of the time when there will be less sibling rivalry and more unity. • His goal is fewer arguments about status and more willingness to work together. • He yearns for less whining and more appreciation of their blessings. • He would like less self-absorption and more compassion. In other words, Paul wants these children, the early Christians in Corinth, to put aside their childish ways. Much to his dismay, it isn’t a smooth transition from infancy to adulthood but rather a gradual process filled with fits and starts. Looking at this newborn church, Paul is frustrated that the people aren’t responding to his lessons; they aren’t learning as quickly as he thinks they should.
Like any good parent, he has noticed the warning signs of bad and risky behavior.
He’s concerned about the company they’re keeping. Their choice in role models doesn’t meet his approval. These young Christians are allowing themselves to be influenced by the newest fads.
Sometimes children get sent to their rooms.
Sometimes they need a little TLC.
Sometimes they need to review the most basic lessons, yet again. Parents may have to repeat instructions many more times than they believe is necessary.
We may think that our children should have learned long ago, but it’s often necessary to have some remedial sessions.
Anne Sullivan, Helen Keller’s teacher, had introduced the word water scores of times before suddenly, miraculously; Keller made the connection between finger-spelling and object. A whole new world was introduced because of the instructor’s persistence and patience. As we move forward on our spiritual journey we need to take the time to circle back to the foundational lessons of our faith. We need to reinforce essential beliefs necessary to meet the challenges ahead. Paul, like any parent anywhere, frets that his churches aren’t keeping up or making adequate progress.
His task, like any parent’s, is to help prepare these young Christians so they’ll have the tools necessary to face the dangerous world — even when he isn’t present to help them.
Parents’ jobs are to put themselves out of business so the child has the tools needed to conquer challenges and fight temptation on their own. Paul grudgingly recognizes what’s necessary for these young Christians; instead of force-feeding them he must supply their need for spiritual milk.
Although he may wish that such pampering were no longer necessary, he will once again direct their attention to the most basic lesson of all: that they are God’s beloved children who gain their identity from their Creator.
Paul will remind them that other voices and influences may try to lure them on another path, yet they belong to God alone. It is a lesson that must be repeated often so they, and we, are prepared to meet the challenges of a noisy and distracting world.
Stay-at-home dad Mark Trainer tells the story of a trip he made to the dentist’s office. As he was leaving, the dentist shook his hand and said cheerily, “Good luck with the job search.” Trainer reflects: “His assumption, of course, was that being home with the children was something I had fallen into and would extricate myself from as soon as possible. I could have told him, ‘No, doctor, no! This was a choice, a modern choice!’ but I think he would have taken a lot of convincing.” Trainer has gotten used to the strange reactions he often gets from people such as his dentist, who just can’t wrap their minds around the concept that he’s a stay-at-home dad by choice.
Several years ago there was an essay contest. The topic was “What I Really Want That Money Can’t Buy.” A 16 year old girl named Erika wrote: “What I really want that money can’t buy is unconditional love.
As a kid, I need to know that no matter what happens, no matter what grades I get — I will be loved.
So many of my friends have parents that work all the time.
They are not sure their parents love them.
I want to know that I am loved, because my parents are there.
My dog, Casanova, loves me.
Sometimes I yell at him, and sometimes I hug him.
But no matter what I do, he always wags his tail and comes running up to me.
He has unconditional love. My parents love me and buy me many things.
But what tells me they love me the most is when they listen to me. I know we need the money, but I wish he would do more things with me.
What I really want is for all parents to just spend time with their kids.”
This is good advice that even the Apostle Paul could use.
This is good advice as we look forward to Valentine’s Day tomorrow.
This morning I would like for you to meet Kevin McCord, a stay at home dad who is brave enough to be interviewed.
Kevin, how do you respond when people ask you what your job is?
How does it feel when Corinne leaves in the morning and you realize that it is just you and Austin for the rest of the day?
Prayer
This prayer was written by Ralph Lincoln Lindberg. His son and my friend, Jeff, is here this morning. Jeff’s dad, Ralph, died one year ago yesterday and his birthday is today. Jeff’s friend Scott Davis, who is also here this morning, has been carrying this prayer in his pocket for many years. I think that it is especially appropriate for Valentines Day.
It’s titled, Spouse’s Prayer:
Bless our home, dear Lord, I pray.
Bless my spouse and me today.
Bless our family ever so dear.
Spare us from all earthly fear.
Guide me, Lord, that’s all I ask.
Take my hands through every task.
Forgive me my sins, dear Lord, I pray.
Make me a better spouse today.
Fill my heart with joy and love.
Thanks be to thee, dear God above.
Dear Lord in heaven, my best friend,
Guide our lives until the end. Amen
